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oNever discuss sensitive subjects when you're hungry. On an empty stomach, we tend to be more irritable and cranky, compromising our ability to focus. If you need to discuss something serious with your mate, check his/her appetite first.

oEat marshmallows to improve communication. If you have a mouthful of marshmallows, the one thing you absolute cannot do is "talk." That's precisely the point. Communication is more about listening than talking.

oFamily gatherings can be danger zones. Make a list of what not to talk about at these events. Examples: Never use the word "older," as in "Aunt Mary is 'older' than Aunt Susan" or "For an 'older' man, Uncle Harold has a lot of hair." Also, never compare today with the "good ol' days."

oWhen there's a fork in the road... If there are two ways to interpret something your spouse said to you and one makes you unhappy or angry, pick the other one.

oHonor the "5-Second Delay." Wives, when you ask your husband a question such as "Where would you like to go to dinner$%:" or "What time do your football games come on TV$%:" or any other question for that matter, there's often dead silence after you pose the question. You wonder: Did he hear me$%: Should I repeat the question$%: Solution: After asking a question, countdown backwards and slowly to yourself 5-4-3-2-1. Then, and only then, should you repeat the question. Men just take a little longer to compute things.

oGive your husband a break! Women tend to be more sensitive than men. They over-analyze. Did he mean this or that, or something entirely different$%: Female inclination is to zoom in on the explanation that's most negative. Perception isn't always reality. Lighten up!

oLet him know that he's your hero. Generally speaking, household tasks that women consider ordinary to do, such as loading and unloading the dishwasher, folding laundry, wiping down countertops, vacuuming, etc., are quite extraordinary for men. On a point scale of 1 to 100, for a wife they are worth about 2 points. To a husband, each is worth about 99.9 points! Wives, find it in yourself to say "thank you," give him a big hug, tell him how much you appreciate what he did. You will get more in return than you ever imagined.

oMulti-task to "be together." Example: You're both exhausted and run down, and you have difficulty finding time to devote solely to each other. Take a nap together. Start snoozing while holding hands.

oTake a lesson from dogs. What happens when a dog spots you from about 10 feet away$%: He wags his tail. As you get closer his cute, little rear starts wiggling and his ears pop up. By the time you're right up to the dog, he's dancing and bursting with excitement. Dogs teach us to be lovable. We should all take a lesson from them. Be lovable to your spouse. Welcome your spouse with a big greeting upon arriving home after a hard day's work. Give him or her an unexpected hug, plant a surprise peck on the cheek, touch each other, hold hands, exchange eye winks. However you choose to do it: Hug and squeeze, aim to please.

oMimic your kids. Give yourselves a "time-out" when the "relationship" is misbehaving. Time-outs work equally well for adults. When the two of you are in the heat of a disagreement, one person needs to stay "stop." Set an alarm clock for 30 minutes. Go your separate ways. Cool off. Think about the problem. Re-focus. Regain your composure. When the alarm rings, sit down together and have a civil discussion, get to the root of the matter, find a resolution and move on.

oGive your spouse the last piece of pie. Think of a favorite dessert that everyone in your home loves. For example: Double-chocolate brownies. In most family households, family members hurry to get the last brownie left in the pan before anyone else can. Long-married couples report handling such "competition" another way. One spouse will say to the other "Honey, there's one brownie left. Would you like to split it with me$%:" or "Would you like the last brownie$%:" This is referred to as being "selfless" instead of "selfish." The wonderful thing about being selfless instead of selfish, is it's automatically reciprocated.

oForget the Norman Rockwell ideal. Scale down your expectations, and focus on what's right rather than what's wrong.

oAn occasional cocktail from time to time helps!